I have never watched Kim Kardashian’s reality TV show. I don’t even know the name of it. But I don’t have to watch it to know that she married an NBA player in a wedding that was apparently off-the-charts, and that she has now filed for divorce, a mere 72 days after that spectacular wedding.
Regardless of anyone’s opinion of the situation, there are some lessons that we can all learn from all of it.
Romance & Dreams
I saw a link on Facebook this week that led me to an article Kim wrote. In it, she said several things in that really struck me.
“…I’m a hopeless romantic! I want a family and babies and a real life so badly that maybe I rushed in to something too soon. I believe in love and the dream of what I wanted so badly. I felt like I was on a fast roller coaster and couldn’t get off when now I know I probably should have. I got caught up with the hoopla and the filming of the TV show that when I probably should have ended my relationship, I didn’t know how to and didn’t want to disappoint a lot of people.” (emphasis added)
I’ll be the first one to raise my hand and and say that I can relate to most of that, well, with the exception of the TV show. And I can’t tell you how many of my clients have said the same or similar things to me through the years. And therein lies one of the lessons.
Listening to Our Intuition – Or Not
There was a feeling, that gut feeling, that something wasn’t right. And yet, for a multitude of reasons, we didn’t listen to it. Whether it was because we didn’t want to hurt our fiance, or the invitations had already been mailed out and we didn’t want to be embarrassed or humiliated by calling it off, or money had already been spent on wedding preparations, or any number of other reasons, we didn’t listen to our intuition.
Judgment and Criticism
Anyone that’s ever broken off a relationship knows how hard it is. Because doing so means the death of a dream you once had. It means starting over. It means possibly being judged by others, and most likely judging ourselves. We’re often our harshest critic. And it often meanshurting someone else.
I have to admire her courage. It’s hard enough to go through a breakup of any kind, but I can’t imagine doing it in such a public way, knowing that she was opening herself up to an avalanche of criticism and judgment.
Many people are criticizing Kim because she filed for divorce while the ink on her marriage certificate wasn’t even dry. But that begs the question: Is it better to stay in a relationship that doesn’t fulfill you, just because society will judge you if you recognize the reality of the situation and make a different choice? I think not.
We all have to be true to ourselves, our values, and our beliefs. Would it have been better for her to stay in that marriage, have children, and raise them in an family that wasn’t the best it could be – whatever “best” might look like to each individual?
The truth is that no one knows what Kim’s true intentions were, and it really doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter if it was just a big publicity stunt. It isn’t up to us to judge anyone else for their choices. Likewise, it isn’t up to anyone else to judge us for our choices.
My clients often tell me they have regrets over getting married, staying in their marriage as long as they did, or ending their marriage because of what they think it will do to their children, among other things.
I always have two things for them to consider. One is that they did what they thought was right at the time. If it later turns out that’s no longer the best choice for them, then it’s okay to make a new choice.
The other thing I tell them regarding the issue of children is this: do you think it’s better to stay in a marriage that’s less than ideal and have your children grow up thinking your marriage is “normal”?
Whether it’s a divorce or breakup of a relationship, it takes courage to end it if it no longer serves you and fulfills you. Life is too short to settle.
In a few days I’ll post Part 2 of my thoughts about the lessons we can all learn from Kim Kardashian’s marriage and divorce.
In the meantime, leave me a comment below and let me know if you ignored your intuition and either went ahead with a wedding, or stayed in a marriage or relationship that you knew you shouldn’t have stayed in. There’s so much we can all learn from each other!