I wrote last week’s article about Letting Go after a recent conversation with one of my clients (I’ll call her Stephanie).
Stephanie and her boyfriend (I’ll call him Andrew) are both in their mid-40s. They dated in college but lost contact for many years. They ran into each other again by chance about 5 years ago and started dating again. Stephanie has never been married. Andrew was married for 11 years and has two children.
I started working with Stephanie last year after she and Andrew had broken up. Then they reconciled. A few months went by, and they broke up again. This has been their pattern over the past 5 years.
The reasons they break up aren’t really important. What is important is they keep doing this dance of being together and breaking up. So many times that they’ve lost count.
While it’s clear that they care deeply for each other, and even genuinely love each other, it’s just as clear that they are in a very unhealthy cycle.
When I did Stephanie’s hand analysis, I understood more about what was going on. Stephanie is in the School of Wisdom. A classic trait of someone in the School of Wisdom is sitting on the fence and not making a decision, which leads to hanging on to things that no longer serve them. In Stephanie’s case, it’s her relationship with Andrew.
On more than one occasion she has said that she knows that she and Andrew just aren’t meant to have a permanent relationship, but she keeps going back because she doesn’t think she’ll ever find anyone else.
Stephanie has been offered a job in another state. It would be a big promotion for her, one that she has earned. She had been hesitating about whether or not to accept it (another decision to make!), mainly because of Andrew.
Into the Future
Once she realized that sitting on the fence about Andrew was preventing her from making a decision about her job opportunity, it became much easier for her to end her relationship with him for good. It wasn’t easy, but she knows that she had to let go of that to be able to move into a future filled with amazing possibilities.
When I talked to Stephanie last week she said “I finally figured out that you shouldn’t have to struggle to “make” a relationship work, and if you do, then there’s something wrong with the relationship. Andrew and I struggled to make our relationship work for the past 5 years. That isn’t the kind of relationship I want.” Sometimes, the most loving thing two people can do is to end a relationship.
This allowed Stephanie to end her relationship with Andrew with love instead of hard feelings (and without a big fight, which was a huge step for her). She told me that she’ll always treasure the good memories she has of him and the good times they’ve had together, but she knows now that she had to make the decision to let that relationship go so she can see what’s waiting in her future.
She also did something that I thought was quite remarkable. She deleted Andrew from her “friends” on Facebook. She said it was too easy to see what he’s doing and who he’s talking to. She knew the temptation to check his page was just too great. She also doesn’t want him to know what she’s doing.
As soon as she got off the fence and made a definite decision about Andrew, she was able to make a decision about her career. She accepted the promotion and will soon be moving! She is well on her way to living her life purpose and is very excited about what her future holds.
You Gotta Have Faith
I’ve watched Stephanie’s growth and courage over the past couple of months. It’s never easy to end a relationship, even one that’s rocky most of the time. To do it, you have to believe and have faith that something better is waiting for you if you’re open to receiving it.
Have you ever stayed in a relationship too long? How did you know it was finally time to end it permanently?