Let’s face it. The end of a marriage or long-term relationship is the end of many things, including the hopes and dreams you once had. Even when the decision to end the relationship is yours, it can still be very hard to let go. And painful.

If you chose to end it, you may feel guilty. If your ex is the one that ended it, you may feel like you aren’t good enough. You may feel totally powerless. You may feel like a victim. You may feelrejected. Depending on your culture or religion, you may feel ashamed.

And all too often, we feel like a failure on some level, no matter who ended the relationship.

Letting go blogAll of those things: guilt, not being good enough, powerless, rejected, a victim, a failure, are just some of life’s lessons We all have at least one, and some of us have several.

A New Mindset

But what if we look at the end of a marriage or relationship in a different way? What if we change our mindset? Instead of looking at it as losing something, or pushing someone or something away, what if we looked at it as releasing what no longer serves us and stepping into something new, making room for something new?

Martha Beck said: “Denying an organic endpoint is like trying to animate a corpse.”

Sometimes we hold on to something that’s really just a memory because we’re too afraid of the unknown. I know I’ve done it in the past, but I’ve learned that it’s easier to let go and move forward than to hold on and stay stuck.

We all want connection. When we lose our partner, we’ve lost that connection. And it hurts, no matter what the circumstances are. The thought of being alone can keep us in relationships that have really ended; we just haven’t acknowledged or accepted that yet.

Your Most Important Relationship

As hard and painful as it might seem at the time, the end of a relationship can actually be a gift. That gift is the opportunity to reconnect with the most important person in the world: yourself.

It’s an opportunity to reevaluate where you are in your life, and to choose a new path to travel. It’s a chance to try something new, have new experiences, and meet new people. It’s a chance to design your life instead of living on autopilot.

It gives you new choices to consider, including whether to stay stuck in the past or to move forward into a new future filled with wonderful possibilities.


It’s an opportunity to rebuild and transform your life. New doors will open. Will you be brave enough to walk through them?

As long as you’re holding on to a relationship that no longer fulfills you (or your ex), there’s no space for anything new to come into your life. It’s long been known that God, or the Universe, does not like a vacuum and will soon fill it up. Create that space for something new, wonderful, and even better to come into your life!

Memories and Lessons

There’s an old saying that goes something like this: People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. No matter which one your ex falls into, hold the good memories close, and learn from the lessons so you can move forward into a bright, beautiful new future.

Every ending truly is the opportunity for a new beginning. It’s up to you whether you take it or not.

The choice is yours. Let me know what choices you’ve made and what experiences you’ve had in letting go. Was it harder for you or your ex? Did you do something during that time that you later wish you hadn’t done?